51st Wing Party - Rachel took the gold

The Wing Christmas Party was last Saturday at the same location as the Squadron Christmas party (or Scarf and Barf, as I call it), and despite the terrible experience we had with the food, we opted to roll the dice and attend.

As we enter the ballroom, the new WING COMMANDER greeted us, and I smiled and tried not to say anything stupid.  I was suddenly self-conscious of the large square necklace that had JOY on it was.  I wondered if it was 'too much'.  Just after dinner, the emcee announced to the group of 300 plus that we would be playing a game.  They needed a volunteer from each table.  All eyes at the table turned towards me.   I laughed it off, and argued Rick would be much better candidate.  I hadn't even eaten my dessert yet!  I was quickly over-ruled.  I stood up in my three inch suede boots, and dress, and walked to the front of the ballroom where there was a line of chairs.  I sat down, smiled at the tables at the front of the room where all the high-ranking folks were.  Great.  The rules of the game were then explained.  There were ten chairs, with ten people.  When the emcee announced an item, we were to run out to the crowd, retrieve item, and run back to the chairs that would then number nine.  Think musical chairs with a scavenger hunt twist.  I quickly starting surveying the crowd looking for friendly faces that would maybe help me with the items.  Dene, another wife, gave me the eye.  This was looking up.  I reviewed the poor saps sitting beside me and decided I probably had a speed advantage.  I was trying to strategize when the emcee yelled, "Bobbypin!"

I shot out of my seat, towards Dene's table, and found it remarkably difficult to move quickly in these boots.  I made it to her table, and everyone was giving me the 'I don't have one' look.  I began to think this was for the best, as I was an emergency room visit waiting to happen in these boots.  I gave an exaggerated 'shucks'; ready to accept defeat.  This is when Dene ripped a bobby-pin from a young gal sitting at a table that had her back to us.  She thrust it in my hands, and I knew the game just stepped up a few notches.  I put my game face on, and ran towards the row of chairs.  I opted to go butt-first into the one chair left as I knew this would give me the most leverage.  I got the chair.  My heart was pounding as I held my bobby-pin up, victoriously.  

"HIGH HEEL' Yelled the emcee.

I only got three feet away from my chair, and caught a spiraling high heel OVER my head.  I raced back to my chair.  I sat in awe of my sudden athletic ability.  I signaled Rick to go get my purse, and move closer.

"STICK OF GUM"  I ran to Dene's table, and another gal was holding out a stick of gum.  I scrambled back, and caught my breath and waited for the next item.

" MXG coin!"

(What the Hell was that??)

I ran to our table, but everyone was empty-handed.  Rick pointed to the Commander's wife, running from the back of the room to me.  She slammed a coin in my hand, and I turned, and ran like I was on fire.  I used tops of heads to gain velocity, and rocketed into my set, butt first.  I am shaking at this point, and can hardly breathe.  I had no idea what a MXG coin was, but I held it high to be inspected by the judges.  My new-found coordination was God-like, and I imagined Rick getting pats on the back from the new WING COMMANDER on Monday for having such a dedicated wife.  How lucky to have him at the front table to make such a good impression.

"LIP GLOSS"

I stood up, and and headed to my group, and a chap stick wizzed by my head at Mach III.  CRAP!  The over-zealous helper hadn't even made eye contact before chucking it at me.  I turned and surveyed the floor.  NOTHING!  NOOOOOO!!! I felt the win slipping.  I turned back, and had another gal running to me with lip gloss.  I snatched it, and ran to the front, with somebody right at my heels for my chair.  Luckily, I had perfected the slam into the chair, while hooking my feet around the legs of the chair to keep from spilling off it.  I smiled sweetly to the defeated.  Sucka.

"SCARF"  

I jumped up, eyes narrowing on a gal with a scarf around her neck.  She didn't even put up a fight.  I was the first back to the three remaining chairs.  Rick just stared at me in disbelief.  I think it's safe to say I was smug at this point.

"A Texas Driver's License"  

My hopes plumeted, but I rushed to the left side of the room, where a fella was pulling out his wallet.  He produced one.  Amazing!

I took my time getting back to my seat to conserve energy, but kept my gameface on.

"A Chief"

(WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!?!?)  I just sprinted towards Rick as he turned to run towards the back of the room.  He pointed out a well-dressed man.  I slapped him on the back, and requested he hustle.  My peripherals alerted me to another couple, almost as eager to get that remaining chair.  Almost.  I pounded on the Chief's back, yelling "GO GO GO".  I pushed him towards the chair and he fell on to it, but held on to the sides to stabilize.  I couldn't get my boots stopped in time, and I nose-dived to the floor after bouncing off his lap.  

So many questions went through my head at this point.  

1.  Is my tooth chipped from large JOY necklace smacking me in the face on my way down?

2. Did the WING COMMANDER notice I just flashed the front row of tables?

3.Did anyone get a picture of me lap-diving?

I decided all of this was irrelevant as my broken body was still in the game.  The Chief asked me if I was okay, and Rick was making his way through the crowd.  My adrenaline and utter embarrassment was so high, I didn't feel any pain.  I assured him I was fine as I stood up, brushed myself off, and displayed the Chief like I was Vanna White.

The emcee allowed the two Chiefs to go back to their seats.  I thanked him for his speed, and apologized for the lap dive.  

There were just two people left, which meant the next item was for the Gold.  I didn't know if my jell-o legs would hold up, and I think my kneecap was around my ankle after my little spill.

'EARRING"

I Stood up, and noticed a gal at the WING COMMANDER'S table reach up and hand me her earring  

SWEET BABY MOSES!

I backed back into my chair as the less fortunate gal was still trying to get her hands on an earring.

I let out a battle cry that startled the emcee standing beside me.  Rick was beaming.

I collected my prize (Lowe's Gift Cards)....(I was seriously expecting a T.V.)  I thanked everyone at the tables that had helped me, returned the items, including the bobby-pin, and sat down to get my legs to stop shaking.  Rick inspected the knee and asked if I was okay.  I scoffed at his concern, and gave him a high five saying, "Go Hard, or Go Home."  

( I hope to be able to walk soon)  

(Korea doesn't have any Lowe's)