I was invited to last Friday's steak night. Although Rick was already in Alaska, I wanted to attend and represent the Mitchells well.
I made a side item, Corn Delight, from my 'Blonde's Have More Fun Cooking' Cookbook (Thank you Bim and Claudia) I envisioned Steak Night patrons exclaiming over this wonderful side dish as the normal bags of chips were left untouched. I hoped my domestic glory would have such an impact that the pilots on their way to Alaska would rave to Rick about it.
I called a cab, and asked them to pick me up at Dream Villa and take me to Miraen Villa. Dream Villa is actually down the hill from our place, but since cabs cannot ever find our apartment, we use Dream Villa. I packed up my purse, bottle of wine, steak, and huge pan of Corn Delight, and went to leave. I then realized the pan was still really hot, so I wrapped it in a light jacket, and fumbled out the door like a Meals on Wheels parade. I walked down the hill and wait for the cab as bird-sized mosquitoes buzz around me and the skin on my hands began burning off from the heat radiating through the jacket. Something lands on my ear, so I quickly put the pot down on the street, and slap at my ear while trying to move my huge purse and bottle of wine to my other hand. The cab roars around the corner, and I hope he didn't notice my spastic behavior. I open the door and greet him in Korean. I load all my stuff in the backseat, and get in. I tell him where we are going, he grunts, and hits the gas. I'm on my way! Cab driver then got on the phone, and took a wrong turn. Great. I try to say 'excuse me' in Korean, but I often confuse that phrase with 'thank you very much'. Either way, he is engrossed in his conversation, and driving like he is late for a hot date. I reach over to better secure the pan of Corn Delight. he pulls into some random apartment complex, still on the phone, and grunts at me.
"Ah Knee OH", I say. (That means 'no')
This startles the man and he hangs up on his hot date.
Taking my blistering hand of the pot of Corn Delight, I use my universal signs to explain this is not the right apartment building, and he needs to turn around and I will show him..
"Oh, so sorry."
Oh, the grunter speaks some English!
Four short minutes later, he pulls up to the correct building. Unfortunately this place was built on an absurd hill. After paying the fare, I find that all rules of physics are working against me. The door won't stay open, so I get both my legs outside the cab to prop open the door. I then try to heave myself and my Corn Delight out of the cab. I grunt and heave and strain and after several embarrassing minutes of this obscene rocking ad thrusting, I just lay back, defeated. The cab driver is saying something I don't understand, but looking bewildered. I push the Corn Delight and the rest of my Steak Night Paraphernalia to the other side of the seat. I turn and with both hands haul my Amazon fanny out of the cab and walk around to the other side. The cab driver, oblivious to gravity, opens the door from the inside, and it slams back shut. I open it, prop it open, then retrieve my items. I'm so flustered, I don't even bow. The cab driver speeds off to his hot date. I turn to find Rick's Director of Operations standing on the sidewalk. Despite the smile on his face, I convinced myself he did not witness that ordeal. This dang Corn Delight better pay the dividends I was hoping for because I was quickly losing my sense of humor over this whole ordeal.
Steak Night has an excellent turnout of about 25 folks. I managed to act like I grilled everyday, and cooked my steak without catching my hair on fire There were even a few compliments on the Corn Delight. Rick will be so proud!
The host, Chris, gathered everyone in the living room after dinner, and explained he had been hosting Steak night for over a year, and he would be leaving for his next assignment soon, and want to hand off the GOLDEN TONGS TO...the MITCHELLS!
Imagine my delight!
I stand up to accept the GOLDEN TONGS. Several folks suggest I give a speech via loud chanting
Imagine my horror!
This is my first Steak Night! Is a speech even appropriate?! I stare at the grilling tools being handed to me, and pray I don't say Golden THONGS. I turn to the group, and I do what anyone would and impersonate the one person that isn't there.
I stood as tall as I could, puffed out my chest, and spoke in a deep voice. I used any 'Rickism' I could think of on the fly and delivered a quick speech. It went over pretty well. In fact, word travelled all the way to Alaska about 8 days later, and my wonderful husband asked for a de-briefing of the speech.
Despite the shaky start, the evening went well, and I can now look forward to co-hosting steak night.
As we were all leaving, one of the pilots asked if he could take the rest of the Corn Delight home. Not only did that warm the cockles of my heart and validate me as a Domestic Goddess, I did not want to eat Corn Delight for the next three days. I MUST work on portion control.
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